My Hopes for #CSAA15

Last night, I provided the faculty address at our student affairs master’s students’ graduation/awards celebration (#CSAA15). A few students asked if I would share what I had written, so I am sharing what I wrote for the address here, along with a few reflections.

First, my reflections: I consider myself a good facilitator. I have strong empathy and am generally pretty good at holding space where multiple truths can be validated, supported, and challenged. Students tell me that I am “lovingly critical” and that they feel comfortable taking risks in my classrooms. That being said, I struggle with lectures/talks. I generally feed off of the energy and response of the people in the room, and that is incredibly difficult to do in a lecture-type setting. I get nervous, talk too fast, and worry that I am taking too long.  It is difficult to read people’s reactions, have them respond to what you’re saying, etc etc. This is a growing edge for me. I am working on getting more comfortable sharing my thoughts…and sharing them for what they are, not relying on people’s reactions/responses. However, I also know what makes me an effective facilitator is going off of the energy in the room. So, I am practicing. And learning. And growing. Thank you, #CSAA15 for giving me the space to do this. Here are my hopes for you as you continue to move forward in your student affairs careers.

I started the address by asking students to read “hopes” that they wrote on notecards during their orientation two years ago. Some examples of the hopes that were shared included:

• “I hope to have a strong understanding (then practice) of theory to be a competent/competitive professional.”
• “I find a passion for a particular part of student affairs so that I have clear direction on what I want to do when I graduate.”
• “I hope to leave UGA confident in my abilities as a professional.”
• “I hope to build a strong relationship w/ my CSAA peers that will continue beyond our 2 years together.”]

Then I continued:

Two years ago on the first day of orientation, the graduating master’s students wrote these hopes for their time in the CSAA program. As we gather tonight to celebrate their hard work and graduation from the program, I am excited to reflect on the ways in which these things played out. Having “come in” with you all as my first cohort at UGA, it has been rewarding and challenging to watch you grow, learn, and gain confidence in your own unique perspectives. I am proud of the professionals you have become and am excited to continue to support you on your journeys from afar.

In thinking about what to say tonight, the first thing I thought of is having you all (especially the graduating folks) reflect on your time at UGA, what you have learned, and what you are taking with you. And of course, I thought, I would use Twitter to facilitate this reflection given that we are in a large space and my love for social media as a tool. Then, I was talking to some 2^nd years and they told me, “We know you’re going to get up there and say, ‘I don’t lecture – we’re gonna co-construct this speech together.’ And we’re going to reflect.” Oh, you know me so well. You just forgot the social media part. J And, that’s exactly what we’re going to do:

Reflecting on the hopes shared here tonight from your first day at CSAA orientation on a hot August day that feels both so long ago and like it was just yesterday, what have you learned? What are you taking with you from your time in CSAA? Use the hashtag #CSAA15 and post your thoughts to Twitter (or have someone next to you do it).

*Students responded and we briefly discussed.*

In reflecting on what I hope you’re taking with you, here are my hopes…

First, I hope you work from a place of compassion. And when that compassion starts to wane, take a vacation. There is a lot of hurt in this world. We – and our students – are hurting in a variety of ways. Validate and honor the anger, hurt, and pain. Carry your own and students’ stories justly and carefully.

As the visibility of police brutality against black and brown bodies increases, we are hurting. As survivors of sexual violence seek to have their voices and experiences legitimated as truth, we are hurting. As trans* people seek protection from violence and the right to be gendered appropriately, we are hurting.

There are complex feelings and experiences around these topics. Many students and colleagues of Color walk around daily in fear of police and other authority figures. This distracts from an ability to engage fully, which ultimately hurts us all, but especially those living in fear. Some students’ and colleagues family members are law enforcement officers, so they worry about them.  Some students’ experiences are both – they are fearing for their own safety at the hands of authority figures AND fearing for their family members’ safety at their jobs as police officers. This is a both/and. We all want an end to violence and fear. I want students and colleagues to be able to come to class and to work authentically and fully. And be able to learn and engage without fear, without the distraction of continually fearing for their lives.

Similarly, advocates for survivors of sexual assault, like me, want sexual violence to end. I want people to stop restricting their activity because they’re afraid of assault. I want perpetrators to stop assaulting people. However, I also want a fair and equitable process for those alleged perps. The criminal justice system isn’t exactly known for being fair, especially to people from historically marginalized groups (see above!), therefore, I’m not sure the answer is accountability through a broken, unjust criminal justice system. I want wealthy, white perpetrators to be held accountable at the same rates as poor men of Color. I want fraternity men to be held accountable in the same ways as student athletes.   I want the pretty, white cisgender heterosexual women at elite colleges as almost exclusively portrayed in the media to be safe AND I want men, trans* and women of Color’s survivors’ stories to be as important as the former. I want all of our students to be safe AND I want it to happen equitably and fairly.

We are all hurting. Some of us are hurting because of the ways we’re treated based on our identities; others through our empathy. This is complex. It’s both/and. What is your role in facilitating understanding and equity?

One is…a “Yes, and….” Perspective. Approaching the world from a “yes, and…” perspective means that you are acknowledging and considering, though not necessarily agreeing with, someone else’s perspective AND you are introducing your own perspective to be considered in the mix. Simply validating and acknowledging someone else’s perspective does not mean that you are cosigning. It does, however, mean you are listening, which can go a long way in both shifting your perspective and allowing someone else to actually hear what you are saying. In reflecting on my own experience, the times I have been the most defensive are the times I don’t feel like I am being heard. So, hear people and let them know you are listening and considering what they’re saying. Even if in your heart of hearts you vehemently disagree with what they are saying, listen. Really listen. Don’t pretend listen. And validate. Consider where that person might becoming from and why. And then, share your thoughts.

Which leads me to my next thought, “Speak your truth with care.” And if you need some inspiration for this, read some Audre Lorde. She has written and spoken prolifically on the power of our voices and on choosing when to speak up, from our places of dominance and our places of subordination. She says, “Your silence will not protect you.” She also reminds us that when we share our truth, it will be “bruised and misunderstood.” She says,

I was going to die, sooner or later, whether or not I had even spoken myself. My silences had not protected me. Your silences will not protect you…. What are the words you do not yet have? What are the tyrannies you swallow day by day and attempt to make your own, until you will sicken and die of them, still in silence? We have been socialized to respect fear more than our own need for language.

I hear over and over again from student affairs professionals at all levels about their “fear” of losing their jobs; their fear of hurting people’s feelings, their fear of “doing it wrong.” This fear so often prevents us from speaking up and making a difference. Yes, we must consider the consequences of using our voices – and those consequences are significantly different based on the situation, our identities, and our position within the organization. AND those consequences cannot prevent us from speaking up. Audre continues,

 Next time, ask: What’s the worst that will happen? Then push yourself a little further than you dare. Once you start to speak, people will yell at you. They will interrupt you, put you down and suggest it’s personal. And the world won’t end.

And the speaking will get easier and easier. And you will find you have fallen in love with your own vision, which you may never have realized you had. And you will lose some friends and lovers, and realize you don’t miss them. And new ones will find you and cherish you…And at last you’ll know with surpassing certainty that only one thing is more frightening than speaking your truth. And that is not speaking.

Your unique voice matters and is important, especially on issues of fairness and equity. You have a responsibility to use it, especially in your dominant identities. Speak up when you see injustice. Present an alternative perspective for people to consider.   Even when you voice shakes, use it. People of Color, queer folks, trans* folks, women, working class folks, people with disabilities, and people with other subordinated identities canNOT be the only ones that speak up. When you are not the target, speak up. Visibly and publically support colleagues and students who speak their truth from their target identities. And do not take over! It’s not about us. Until it is about us. And when we are the target, hopefully someone we have supported will speak up, support, and not take over the same way.

Which leads me to my last hope for you: Keep finding and developing your truth. There are some things to which you may choose to hold steadfastly. Things on which you are unwilling to waver, things that you know to be true to your core. There are others I hope you will be open to learning and growing around. New information and new perspectives should shift our ideas, values, and beliefs. That is the very essence of what we do, right? If we expect others to be open to new ideas, perspectives, and beliefs, we must do so ourselves. So, keep an open mind and heart. Learn from those around you. And keep up with current events, both in student affairs AND outside of it. You know where to find this stuff….we’ve practiced for two years! Find your regular news sources, and some new ones. Keep challenging yourself to stay up with what is going on in the world. And listen to your students. Ask them how what’s happening in the world is affecting them. And talk to your colleagues. How is what is going on in the world affecting them and you? As much as we often act like it, we are not insulated from the rest of the world on a college campus. What is happening in the world is affecting us – and our students – in very real and tangible ways. Ignoring that in hopes that it will just go away does everyone a huge disservice. And as you keep working on finding and developing your truth, find and cultivate a community of support. In my research about student activists, I have found that one essential piece of them creating change is community. We cannot do this work alone – we need each other. Find “your people” – the ones who have your back, who get you, who validate you. Also, find the ones who challenge you, who don’t let you get away with doing nothing, or rationalizing inaction. We need them both. Sometimes they are the same people; sometimes they are not.

With education comes great responsibility. Responsibly to speak up, speak out, and make the world a better place. I know you can do it. In fact, you are already doing it. So, hold true to yourself. Keep your own unique, important perspective and keep learning and growing.

And, when it gets rocky, or you don’t know what to do or what to say, or you just need to vent, you know where to find us back here at UGA and each other.